I don’t know about you, but I need to be alone with myself from time to time… I go for a walk alone, I invite myself for dinner or coffee, I talk to myself and I like it very much.
However, not everyone is mindful of this. I am often surprised: “Alone for dinner? Don’t you feel weird?” No, I don’t. That’s why I decided to write about the need to be consciously alone with myself…
For me personally, being alone with myself at home, in my own intimacy, gives me the most. My ritual is to drink coffee every morning. The ritual is that no matter what happens, I want to drink my coffee without haste and in the morning silence.
It’s “my time“. Then I hear my thoughts and needs, I feel my body and all the tensions accumulated in it, but also fears and stress … This time gives me the opportunity to take care of myself.
I realize then what is important to me and in which direction I want to direct my energy. This time is not always pleasant. However, I always have the feeling that I enter a new day calmer and more in touch with myself.
I admit it wasn’t always like this. It was needed to learn it.
I used to want to be everywhere. Keep in touch with everyone. I thought I was extremely sociable, that I rested among people. The culture sends a clear message – extroverts are cool. But why did I so often feel exhausted and dream of a week spent at home without any company? It took me many years to discover the conditions in which I relax. How much time do I need to spend in my temple of solitude to feel happy. I learned not to drown out my own thoughts and fears with TV, telephone or meetings with friends. In a word – stimuli that do not allow contact with one’s own self.
I am closer to an introvert than an extrovert, and a lot of stimuli overwhelm me – read the post about HSP.
As a child, I was intuitively able to balance being in company with the need to take a break from sensations. Like most children of the 90s, I liked spending my free time outside. But just as often I sat with my nose buried in books in my room or library. And when the noise in the common room was driving me crazy, I told the teacher that I was going to the toilet and went upstairs, where it was completely dark and quiet in the afternoon. I loved those moments.
For a long time I was offended when someone said that I was calm. I didn’t want to be calm. I wanted to be cool. A cool person has a lot of friends with whom he has great adventures. He treats the house as a bedroom, he attends all interesting events. Let something always happen, let nice people in nice clothes scroll around, and let the music play. I think I’ve been watching too much Gossip Girl.
In fact, when I was young, even yoga seemed like a boring activity to me. Fortunately, things change with age and experience. I stopped seeing peace and solitude as something negative. Although I love spending time with close people and I love teaching, I also need a lot of time to be alone. Then I rest and recharge my batteries.
You are the most important relationship for yourself, the greatest source of inspiration and the most valuable good – provided that you take proper care of yourself and can spend time just for yourself. If your palms sweat and your heart starts beating faster at the thought of sitting alone for more than a few minutes, read this post.
Loneliness gives you incredible freedom, if you’re willing to accept it. There are no rules, no distractions, no unnecessary noise and judgment. Being alone, you commune with what is most important – your dreams, thoughts, feelings, your essence. Believe it or not, your loneliness is a gift to yourself from yourself.
How we deal with loneliness says a lot about us. It allows us to find mental stability even in difficult times. The ability to enjoy solitude is a sign of emotional maturity and independence.
Is it possible that we are so intolerable to ourselves that we need others to see ourselves more accepted?
“Those who hate loneliness only hate themselves.”Anonymous
When the silence of loneliness is a torment
Well-being is a very personal experience. Every moment we spend alone is special. Different impressions appear in us, depending on what moment of life we find ourselves in, as well as our mental state.
Not every mind can hold back the pain caused by certain conflicts and life circumstances. There are times when the sound of our own echo makes us dizzy. Usually what we do then is overwhelm ourselves with the noise from outside.
To avoid spending time alone, we try to run down the dead end path.
If isolation is unbearable for us, we reach for our masks, put aside authenticity to avoid what causes us anxiety.
- We jump from relationship to relationship without really knowing what we’re looking for.
- We spread the anguish on friends and family so that they can bear some of the burden and relieve us temporarily.
- We try to stop our anxiety with sleeping pills.
Either option is good, as long as you don’t fall into loneliness and don’t hear the message that our body and mind are trying to convey to us.
Deliberately spent time alone, however, does nothing but renuwal. By choosing to spend some of your time alone, you will have mental, emotional and social benefits. You will feel the brilliance and glory. Besides recharging your batteries, providing space for rest, reflection and relaxation, solitude is also a brilliant teacher.
Lesson 1 – Self Awareness and Authenticity
The moment you are freed from other people’s eyes and ears, your inner truth can breathe. In solitude, you learn who you are and what your authenticity looks like. It is self-awareness that allows you to stand firmly on your feet.
Lesson 2 – Strength and independence
Self-knowledge frees us from the prison of useless criticism. This kind of emancipation, when we free ourselves from the burden of someone else’s judgment and expectations, builds within us a wall of autonomy and individuality so strong that no negativity can penetrate it.
Lesson 3 – Productivity and creativity
These two qualities develop especially strongly in us when we are lonely. Our minds have peaceful conditions to wander, coming up with brilliant ideas, projects, stories. The more engaging your creative endeavors are, the more productive your time alone can be.
Lesson 4 – Emotional Intelligence and Empathy
By spending time together we have the opportunity to look inside ourselves and then develop interpersonal intelligence. Lessons learned from the past shape the social dimension of our lives. Empathy is built on self-knowledge.
If you don’t believe you have the above qualities and abilities, deliberate solitude will only make them stronger. And because we’re all beautiful and different, there’s no way to tell what wisdom lies within the comfort of your uniqueness.
I will give you some ideas on how to immerse yourself in solitude without feeling overwhelmed.
- Talk to an introvert – start your adventure with loneliness with the help of a person who already has extensive experience in this field. Introverts are masters of being alone and will certainly be happy to share their feelings and thoughts about it. And while they don’t like chit-chat, they love to delve into what’s important to them. And since solitude is their element, you can be sure to get plenty of helpful tips.
- Browse through the photo album – how to easily populate your space without a physical person? Dig up photos of fun moments from the past. Visualizations of good memories will remind you of your emotional connection with those you care deeply about. You will feel the warmth and comfort of the smiles in the pictures.
- Go outside – it is not said that you have to spend time alone sitting at home. When you go for a walk or run around the neighborhood, sit in a coffee shop or go on a date with yourself, you will be surrounded by people without having to talk to anyone. People-watching will further anchor you in the present moment. Watching other people interact – like real movie scenes played out before your eyes – will spark your imagination and visualization. It will help you rediscover your relationship with yourself.
- Immerse yourself in the story – moving to another world, whether through a book or a movie, you will meet new characters who can become your friends from afar. No interaction is needed, and yet you experience an adventure with a different kind of company.
- Do what you love – whether it’s writing stories, keeping a journal or throwing a party for one – time spent alone is an opportunity to invest in joy. Even if it means lying down and staring at the ceiling.
- Write down a list of life goals, dreams, books to read – use this time to organize your time. Surely you have many dreams and ideas for yourself, but you haven’t managed to make them concrete yet. Maybe you also constantly forget the titles of movies or books? Use your free time to create your own to-do lists. Why should the only letters in your life be those with an endless list of duties. You can also tick off the next fulfilled dreams, desired gadgets, tried new places or things thanks to which you develop.
- Cook something special for yourself – go on a mini journey in search of new flavors. Find a recipe that fascinates you, or get inspired by a country you dream of visiting.
- Take the animal from the shelter for a walk – if you feel like going for a walk, but you don’t like to wander aimlessly, go to the shelter. Offer to take one of the calm dogs for a walk. An ordinary walk will suddenly turn into an interesting adventure, and maybe even the beginning of a new friendship. You will surely do a good deed.
you need yourself
You have to find your own way to internal dialogue. What we do doesn’t matter. It is important that we do not have to interact with other representatives of our species during it.
The magic of deliberate solitude gives us access to social life without forcing us into it. Humans are usually social creatures. However, the one who has experienced peace in an uninhabited space, where you can do whatever you want without having to consult anyone, knows the true value of mindfulness and breathing in the present moment.
Just because we enjoy company a lot doesn’t mean we don’t need a break from it sometimes. Respect your intuition on this matter.
Loneliness is the desire to connect with other people, it is the desire to connect with yourself.
“Someone told me the other day that he felt bad for single people because they are lonely all the time. I told him that’s not true I’m single and I don’t feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes. I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself company becomes an option and not a necessity.”Keanu Reeves