Fear of failure can effectively discourage us. Failure makes us push back or even give up our goals altogether. In today’s post I will tell you where this fear comes from and how to overcome it. I will tell you about an exercise that helps a lot to change the perspective of looking at your actions and finally spread your wings.
I’m afraid it won’t come out
This episode is inspired by a story:
“I am currently on professional burnout and all I want is to terminate my employment contract. I have an idea for my own start, but I lack the strength. I’m afraid something will go wrong. There will be disappointment. Now I have a transitional moment. This is a big change for me. I have been professionally active for several years and for the first time I have the courage to make my dream come true. It is hard. How to make it see only the target and not look back?“
I think these words are very close to many of us. When fate puts us in the face of making a decision: whether to go into the well-known or completely new – I am not at all surprised that what accompanies us the most are fears and doubts.
LEAVING THE COMFORT ZONE
If you’ve been living in a bubble of security and replaying the same scenario for the last few years – everything outside of it seems scary. However, I believe that such situations happen in life for a reason. But to communicate that the time has finally come to verify whether what I care for on a daily basis is really mine? Am I living in harmony with myself or other people’s expectations?
Because isn’t that what disappointment is all about that we fear so much? Isn’t that the crux of the problem? Are we not afraid of failing, disappointing, discouraging others?
FAILURE: WHY ARE WE SO AFRAID OF IT?
Pay attention to what is really behind the feeling of disappointment. We can call it a failure. What really lies deep behind it is FEAR OF REJECTION.
We are afraid that when we fail, others will stop accepting us. That by making a mistake, others will reject us, we will not deserve their attention, dignity, respect. If something goes wrong, we will lose in their eyes. That’s why we’re so terrified of changing anything.
BELIEFS LEARNED FROM HOME
It is closely related to the house in which we grew up. There are actually two possibilities. We could have been raised in conditional love – according to the principle “I will love you if…” or in unconditional love “I love you no matter what…”. The kind of parents we came across was of key importance in this matter.
If we were raised with conditional love, we will always agonize over the question: Is this the right decision? Will I feel sorry for her? Should I do it? Will I still be loved? What if I am not accepted?
SEEKING THE ACCEPTANCE OF OTHERS
Parental love for a child equals a sense of security. Upbringing in such a home equals the development of an instinct that allows you to sense the needs and expectations of others in order to deserve their love. If we learn such a pattern from a child, how can we learn to think differently.
I don’t think you need to learn it at all. Deep down, we all know it.
So let’s go back to the message from the beginning of the post. This person already has an idea for her own start. She is afraid, she has doubts, she is overcome by fear – but at the same time she knows that she is able to do it. If she didn’t know that, the idea wouldn’t even have crossed her mind. Such an idea would be sifted out before any part of the conscious mind could pick it up.
In each of us there is a seed that causes your thinking to take on a different pattern.
FAILURE AND POSITIVE THINKING SCHEME
Positive thought patterns that come from feeling accepted include:
- I am ok
- I’m enough
- I deserve
- I am loved
- I am accepted
Such self-esteem beliefs make a huge difference. People with this attitude don’t need to look at others to know if they’re doing something right or wrong. Failure is no longer such a block because they know it doesn’t affect thinking. Such people trust themselves and follow each other. From this energy comes the strength that helps you make good changes in your life.
HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR OF FAILURE
The doubts faced by a person who wants to create something of their own or change their life are proof that they do not fully believe in themselves. She hears that voice repeating all these good things to her, but she’s having trouble accepting it. I think the most common question is:
“How do you make them see only the target and not look back?”
How to see your possibilities, have clarity and full confidence in yourself and stop looking back. Well, what does “looking back” mean? Is it some kind of experience? A person? Something I experienced as a child? Something what is holding me back? What pulls down? (especially when I start to go up?)
FAILURE: HOW TO STOP FEARING THAT IT WON’T GET OUT?
Most of our fears, anxieties and limiting beliefs come from the past. From something we’ve heard, seen, experienced, or been taught to believe. Subconsciously, each of us has an ingrained pattern of “as much as we deserve”. Because it was given to us by a parent, because we watched it every day, because we imbibed it. Over time, however, these instilled principles are verified.
We meet more and more people. Establishing more and more relationships. We have a deeper insight into ourselves. More and more experiences. It all becomes a resultant of what we consider to be true. That’s when the crash occurs.
How can we believe in a new (our own) belief system, when we have accepted someone else’s truth for most of our lives? The mind will do everything to stay in what is good, safe, known – even if it is no longer true for us. This moment of loss, fear, anxiety, is nothing else than a manifestation of this internal disagreement with the old values.
DISAGREEMENT ON OTHERS’ VALUES
On some level, each of us is aware of our potential. Perhaps you are at a point in your life where you already have enough resources to make the right decision, which truth you want to follow further. Or you know that what you are currently doing is not what you want. The most important thing is to be aware of your decision.
Of course, I don’t have an answer to that question – you have to answer it yourself.
HOW TO LEARN TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
The best way would be to stay in this uncomfortable and fearful bubble for a while. Try to understand what you want to learn. I know that the pressure of running out of time does not make it any easier to make a decision, but remember that this lesson will come back anyway. Sooner or later it will come back to you.
The first and most important part of making up for it is believing that you don’t need to seek recognition, love or acceptance – because you already have them. Regardless of whether the business idea turns out to be a success or not. Regardless of what you decide.
Just do what you can do at the moment. You will make the decision that you make at this moment.
Don’t think about whether you’ll succeed or not, don’t just think about winning. The most important thing is that you try. Most people can’t even do that. And even if you fail, remember how much this lesson taught you.
I want to propose you to listen the speach of Nicole Davis regarding trust in yourself.
FAILURE NEVER DEFINES YOUR VALUE
The fear of failure and disappointment stems mainly from the fact that we mistakenly assume that failures and mistakes will make us less valuable. Less appreciated in the eyes of others. That we deserve less to be loved. We learn this pattern in a home where we grew up with conditional love and the belief “I will love you if…”. It’s time to understand that this is not the absolute truth about what you can and deserve.
That’s why I have a question:
What is it for you that you no longer want to look at? What would you like to let go of?
I will be very glad if you answer this question in the comment.
Remember that no matter what your goal sounds like, you are (and always will be) able to achieve it. All you need is courage.