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Confidence is a state of mind. In order to be able to say “yes, I am a self-confident person”, certain conditions must be met. Which together make up a beautiful and coherent whole.

To be a confident person, we must first know our self-esteem. Without self-respect, without self-esteem, and without objectively assessing your competences and skills, you cannot be a self-confident person.

Other extremely important elements are: self-acceptance, faith in your abilities, awareness of yourself and your emotions, trust, responsibility for your actions, a positive attitude or being assertive.

Today, it’s all about self-confidence, how to build it and what stands in the way of achieving our goals?


The times of social media and self-evaluation by total strangers can be quite traumatic at times. Sometimes we wake up and realize that whether we accept ourselves, our appearance, voice or skills depends mostly on the opinions of third parties. A positive comment or a compliment tremendously pamper our ego. We feel special, which, however, when in the sea of ​​positive comments and delight suddenly something less pleasant appears.

A symptom of malice, jealousy, outpouring of frustration, hate … Like one negative out of a million positives. It can upset the balance and raise doubts, which in turn can undermine self-confidence. Without self-esteem and accepting ourselves as we are, problems begin.

There are complexes, looking for approval in the eyes of other people. Seeing yourself only through the prism of opinions about us by people who are totally strangers to us. It is important here, if you do not accept yourself as you are. Perhaps you do not know something about something, you have complexes – change something. Work on both the soul and mind, without forgetting the body. A healthy and physically fit person, aware of their strength and body, will automatically be more self-confident and more willing to accept themselves.


When you take care of all the elements that will make you strong and confident – responsibility for your own actions will come automatically. There is nothing worse than blaming the whole world for our failures and our own laziness. Looking for excuses … I don’t have time, too late, too dark, too early … Who wants to find a way … who doesn’t want to find a reason …

We hold the steering wheel and the rudder, it depends on us how our life will turn out. Whether we will take up the challenge or whether we will always rely on fate or destiny. Of course, a lot depends on luck. The right moment or a twist of fate. But what our life will look like is the sum of our choices and decisions.

Blaming the origin, genes, social status, predisposition … all this affects our lives in a fraction. Most of it is working on ourselves, our environment. The entire process of socialization and finally our actions and conscious decisions. It is good to be positive and act. Not to let yourself be sabotaged by the inner saboteur who will always whisper in your ear… Postpone it for tomorrow, let it go, it’s too difficult. Plug your ears and listen to the voice of your inner cheerleader – The world is a challenge and life is a wonderful journey and it’s up to you how the route will go.

Assertiveness and the ability to admit to a mistake

To be like Jim Carrey in the movie “Yes Man” and to all requests and suggestions to answer yes .. Hmm maybe one day a year, the remaining 364 days be assertive and learn to say “no”. It is worth noting here, from assertiveness to being rude one step. As well as being confident and arrogant, these are also separated by a thin line.

Submission, agreeing to everything, easy submission, not having your own opinion, populism, conformism … If even one phrase fits your attitude in life, I think it is worth working on. Along with self-confidence comes also the ability to admit when you are wrong. Only a fool can admit that he already knows everything. We learn every day, and whoever asks does not actually err. And whatever truism this statement can be called, it is incredibly true and accurate. Pretending to be alpha and omega is pathetic. By making mistakes, fixing them, and learning from them, we become more valuable and authentic. Working on ourselves, overcoming adversities, struggling, struggling, achieving goals is something thanks to which our self-confidence and position in the world strengthens day by day. Just as cold toughens the body, so struggling with adversities and our own weaknesses shapes our character.


While self-confidence brings new opportunities and prospects, the lack of it takes away the joy and freedom of life. The less self-confidence, the more tension, stress and anxiety there are. Each potential meeting or specter of a new situation then evokes strong and unpleasant emotions and feelings. Consequently, in order to avoid them, people withdraw from social life and abandon the fight for their rights and take any risks.

Lack of self-confidence encloses you in an airtight bubble of comfort in which there is nothing but the familiar. Life then becomes routine and boring because there is nothing new to it. As a result, there is a loss of opportunities for new acquaintances. Career advancement, prospects for a better life or even a chance for true love.

There are countless factors that can build our self-confidence. Ranging from how our parents raise us, to what partner we will share our lives with. But now let’s focus on what this self-confidence can take away from us or what signals indicate that that it is worth working on yourself a bit.

  • When are you still standing on the sidelines?
  • When do you not take risks?
  • When do you still think about failure?
  • When do you never leave your comfort zone?
  • When are you afraid of contact with other people?
  • When do you accept the current state of affairs knowing that it is not good or optimal for you?
  • When are you submissive and agree to everything in spite of yourself?
  • When do you feel guilty a lot?
  • When do you focus only on your flaws and complexes?
  • When are you afraid of intimacy?
  • When do you experience a paralyzing fear of speaking in company?

If you answered yes to most of the questions, it is worth starting to work on yourself and build self-confidence.

What else can stand in our way? Certainly being shy and sensitive doesn’t help. It will be much easier for extroverts, but for all sensitive people – do not be afraid, everything is possible.

How to increase self-confidence?

Building confidence doesn’t come out of thin air, but is the result of a process that only you can initiate. No one else can walk this path for you, so when you feel ready, go on an adventure. At the end of the tour, the greatest reward you can imagine is waiting for you. Confidence and a life without fear!


Remember a situation when you did not feel confident. Can you see her Great! Therefore, we can move on to an in-depth analysis that will allow you to get to know yourself at times when you are unsure.

To do this, ask yourself the following questions:

  • How do you look then?
  • What are you doing?
  • How is your body behaving?
  • What are you saying?
  • What do you think and feel?
  • Where are you located?
  • Who is next to you?

Try to answer honestly and in detail. Only in this way will you find areas that you can improve if you want to increase your confidence.

After you have finished analyzing the situation in which you did not feel confident. It is time for an event where you were bursting with confidence. To do this, ask yourself exactly the same questions and also try to answer carefully and truthfully. This analysis will make you see yourself in a different. Better light and you will understand that you have a lot of self-confidence!

Internal dialogue

Do you know who your biggest critic is?


There are no greater saboteurs of our actions than ourselves. With the help of internal dialogue, we tell ourselves that “we are unable to do something” or “we are too weak”. And you know what? We begin to believe it, even if it is not true!

That is why it is so important to listen to your internal dialogue. Then see what our “critic” says, where he is and whose voice he speaks. Regular observation allows you to learn to recognize an inner voice. It is not real but harms you and cuts your wings.

The internal dialogue is not one-sided, because it also has these good words that give you wings and wind in your sails. Recognizing them is also crucial, because then you can replace critical and harmful dialogue with good and helpful dialogue.

The power of your imagination

Try to imagine a version of yourself that is confident, assertive, relaxed, and copes well with difficulties. Try to visualize the smallest details: pay attention to how you look, how you move, how you smell, or where you are. Once you see this version of yourself, try to feel exactly what she is feeling.

Do you see any changes?

Then consider how much you would gain if you were exactly as you see yourself in your imagination. How would your private and professional life change? How could you deal with situations that are now beyond your strength? What else would change?

We have good news for you. The version of yourself you just saw is you! So now that you know it is possible for you to be confident, why not start working on making it happen?

Physical attractiveness

Self-confidence is a state of mind, but a state of mind depends on how you perceive your physical attractiveness. So if you do not accept your appearance, think that “you are missing something” and constantly complain about your shortcomings, you take away your self-confidence. Moreover, even if your opinions about your own appearance are not true, you start to believe them!

To make matters worse, there may be a phenomenon of “self-fulfilling prophecy”, which in this case makes you subconsciously start wearing clothes that do not serve you or lead a lifestyle that is not healthy, but confirms your thesis that “you are ugly / fat / put any “.

Fortunately, the influence of attraction on the state of mind also works the other way around. Although the key to gaining self-confidence is changing attitudes, beliefs, inner dialogue and general work with the mind, attractiveness can also increase self-esteem. So instead of complaining and criticizing, do something for yourself! Start wearing clothes that suit you and fit your body shape. Get yourself a gift in the form of sexy lingerie or buy the dress you’ve always dreamed of.

However, no matter what you choose, do it with love for yourself.

Body language

Self-confidence is a complex process that is sensitive to the slightest hesitation. So if you want to learn how to increase your confidence, but fear and shyness pour out of your body posture, you should start there. There is a concept of “power position” or “power position” in many scientific and cultural accounts.

This is nothing but a body posture that says, “I’m strong, brave and I’m not afraid to fight for mine!” An example of a power position is standing naturally with your arms on your hips, or sitting with both feet on the ground and your hands behind your head.

These are the natural positions that the human body takes when one feels pride, joy, contentment, relaxation and, above all, self-confidence. Try one of the power positions listed and analyze your thoughts, emotions, and feelings.

Do you see the change?


Few factors build confidence as well as being able to say no. Assertiveness is a concept that in psychology means the ability to express one’s opinion, emotions and attitudes, while not violating the rights of other people.

How does it look in practice?

If you’re tired after eight hours of work in the office and can’t wait to get home and take a relaxing bath and your boss suddenly starts asking you to stay an extra hour, what will you do?

If you do, and you don’t feel like it, you are not being assertive. Moreover, you choose the good of the boss over your own good. It doesn’t sound very friendly, does it?

If, on the other hand, you say, “Boss, I understand that we have more work in the company now, but I’m tired after eight hours and have done my job for today. So I will not stay with the company any longer ”, you are being assertive! This way you mark your posture and speak openly about what you think. In this way, you give a signal that you are not afraid to fight for your rights and needs!

How to increase self-confidence?

There are many guides on the Internet that will show you how to increase your confidence. One of them you just read. Congratulations! Before we part, however, we’d like to share one more piece of advice with you. While gaining confidence is a time-consuming process, if you do it once and rightly, you’ll reap the fruit for the rest of your life.

No one has built up self-confidence since reading, so start your adventure right now. Above all, freedom, greater control over your own life, freedom and no fear are waiting for you. You don’t have to be perfectly prepared to start working on your confidence.


Self-confidence and work on self-esteem are a matter for each of us, here there is no division into gender, religion, skin color or origin, but due to the fact that I am a woman, I dedicate the last paragraph to a woman, because I think we may have a little bit uphill on this issue.

Quite a lot is expected of us, we are to be confident, but not too much, sexy, but not exaggerated, well-organized and resourceful, but spontaneous and always smiling, like dancing to the rosary, not too thick, but not bony … . Pressure, social media, expectations, filters, putting on masks, pretending … Being a confident woman is quite a challenge, I know because I catch myself relying too much on the flattery of others, waiting for praise, acceptance, instead of looking in the mirror … see myself, my face, my body, scars, stretch marks, appreciate how much I have gone through, how much have I learned, how much have I grown, how aware I am of my emotions, I have my own opinion that I can say aloud, priorities, goals, dreams … and balls to be able to say to yourself “you are awesome and you can do anything … and the rest … it’s just the icing on the cake.”

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